My Hair, Your Hair

13 November 2019

So my hair has been natural for 4 years and the story about how I became natural is so bizarre.  I  was actually going to relax my hair and found that my relaxer had been leaking probably for months into my wardrobe. I remember shitting myself,  thinking my mum would finish me if she found out that I wasted her precious relaxer. So when I took my braids out I suggested that maybe I shouldn't jump to straightening it with a relaxer and instead leave it as it was, surprising her in the process. I carried this spiel on for several months to try and buy time and that was the beginning of the end. Looking back now I wasn't sure why I didn't just tell her the relaxer had leaked, maybe it was a sign. 

Looking at the pictures after, I came to hate the way my relaxed hair looked. It looked weak and dead, it burned and smelt and I was terrified of getting it in my eyes, because even until the big age of 16 I thought it would blind me if it ever got into my eyes. After all, that is what it said on the box. I will be honest with you I had no idea what to do with this new transition hair. Unlike most people who had to have their relaxed ends cut off,  mine fell out on their own, which, again, I deffo think was a sign. I really enjoyed the new volume but my goodness I couldn't style it even if my life depended on it, I used to just scrape it into a puff and didn't even KNOW what a bobby pin was.

It took a lot of confidence to wear my natural hair, there are always  going to be snide comments or backhanded compliments, my old manager told me to tidy my hair under the cap because he saw my hair as messy and two weeks ago a white man walked passed me and told his black wife my hair looked like a mess. My hair was in space buns. The bottom line is that natural hair on black women have been perceived as unprofessional for years, to the point black mothers to this day will encourage their daughters to straighten and relax their hair. The only reason the products even exist was that we had tried to "tame" our hair to fit a certain standard

There is nothing to tame, personally, I love my hair the way it is. It took a lot of growth and patients to be comfortable with who I am. If you told 13 year old me I would walk around with no makeup and my natural hair at 19, she would have cried, disappointed in future me for not trying to be pretty. I like it when my natural hair is out because it takes no more than 5 minutes to do AND it is versatile and fun to play with and soft to touch when I am sad. I think we need to move away from such an ignorant perception that anything a black woman does to her hair will be ratchet and unprofessional. It is OUR choice what we choose to do with the things that grows out of OUR scalp and let us love and embrace ourselves, whether we decide to braid our hair, or even straighten our hair. Black women have always been oppressed because of those choices, but I will no longer allow it. My hair is my hair and your hair is your hair.

White men and women I urge you to simply mind your own business when it comes to our hair, think about what you are saying when you talk to a black woman about their hair. At this point, we are tired of answering all your questions, not only because you can now utilise, but also because the questions are used to make us feel small or embarrassed. No, I will not allow it anymore.

When I was young insults like That isn't even your real hair and I bet you're bald underneath all that, were common. I do not want my child to hear that when she grows up. It's just interesting when Ariana Grande openly admitted to buying her hair in 7 rings no one wanted to comment, instead it was everyone's insta caption for a week but that is another pitcher of water.

I am glad, however, that natural hair has become more common with sales of straightening agents going down. I am also so proud of the black women's nonchalant transparency when it comes to our styling hair. I am glad we stopped caring.

Like I said this is MY hair and I make the decisions around here when it comes to MY hair. All opinions should be kept to themselves.

PS You're still not allowed to touch our, hair it's weird.
PSS I can understand no makeup me can be horrifying erm sorry but like I don't have enough money for surgery someone PayPal me funds.

Emmy xx

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